While enjoying a nondescript afternoon at Chateau Draven, I begin to hear screaming coming from the bathroom, “DADDY! DADDY! COME IN HERE!” Expecting that DDD has somehow masterminded a tidal surge in need of immediate cleanup, I haul ass to…

For those of you unfamiliar with blinding violence at the hands of a 3-year-old, allow me to elaborate. CFD and I were chillin’ on the floor in front of the fireplace this morning, when all of a sudden I catch…

“Daddy, I don’t get you.” “Well buddy that makes two of us!” My son the psychologist…

While riding in the car with Tara and DDD, CFD started crying. Instantly annoyed, DDD offered a solution, “Momma, do we need to pull over so we can feed her and beat her?” I see pre-school has already taught him…

“Wow buddy, you have a lot of candy.” “Yeah Daddy, but none of it is for you! Is that okay with you?” “Um, I guess so.” “Oh, wait Daddy… you can have this.” [Cue: small sack of Cheese-It] Apparently, the…

For some odd reason, CFD felt compelled to crawl into the bathroom and cheer-on DDD during his evening constitutional. Like any good brother, and before he fired off his flatulence salvo, he offered his own version of foreshadowing, “Coraline… this…

At approximately 5:45a.m. this morning, nature informed us that we weren’t going to go back to sleep; DDD was providing his best impression of a bulimic post-Thanksgiving feast. So, like any good father, I hauled-ass to the Quickie Mart and…

“Daddy, how will I know when the flu-bug has left my tummy?” “Oh, you won’t feel them leave. They’re too tiny. You’ll just start feeling better.” [Insert pause; followed by a deep inhale] “You know something Daddy… I think the…

“Momma, can I watch a lil’ TV?” “We don’t have a lil’ TV, we have a big TV.” “Oh… can I watch a lil’ TV on the big TV?” Always an angle…

“Momma, does Uncle Rus fart in his jeans?” “I don’t know, let me ask him.” Uncle Rus’ response to DDD’s query: Nobody likes stinky jeans… I take them off before I fart!